It was an exceptionally weird day today. The alarm was being snoozed to death. Finally I texted Alanna with an "Up, up, up little one." She said "You too missy!" Sigh. My little snot.
I crawled out of bed and straight into the arms of the love of my life which would be my coffee maker, then opened up my laptop. As it rang to life I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I wandered into Alanna's room making sure she was really out of bed this time and helped her pick out an outfit. I went back to the computer, when I saw a friend posted a YouTube video on my wall. I clicked it without reading anything other than "The Voice - Hallelujah." Jeff Buckley did a version of this song that is my absolute favorite. Alex Wong and Allison Holker danced to this a few season ago on So You Think You Can Dance. It has just left an impression on me. I get misty eyed and sing along like I sang it originally. This was different. It was a tribute to the kids at Sandy Hook. I lost it. Big time. I cried like a baby and then texted said friend to tell her I was mad at her for not warning me. I guess I could have read the caption.
Alanna stumbled out of her bedroom and was confused as to why I was hyperventilating over a song. I couldn't explain it, even though she knows all about the S.H.E.S. tragedy. What a way to start the day. With a big fat sob session. If this was the outlook for the day it was pretty effing accurate. I think I cried 24 different times. This is not an exaggeration... not one bit.
Shortly after I had to drive a half hour to pick up a prize I won through my college. They selected me at random to win a $100 gift card -which is stinking awesome! When I got to the office, I started telling the ladies my life story, like they cared, and cried some more. I mean, really? They even had to snap my photo for part of the promotion and here I am all red faced, splotchy, and snotty. Aka: HOT!
I spent the rest of the day painting my signs and catching up on episodes of The Voice and Ben & Kate (Tomorrow is Revenge and How I Met Your Mother). It's been a non-emotional night let me just tell you. I think my tear ducts haven't quite replenished themselves yet. Well they better by tomorrow. My daughter's school is sponsoring me for Christmas and the staff bought her Christmas presents. I have to pick them up in the morning. I am pretty sure I will bawl my eyes out again. And maybe even again.
So to all that I say this:
1) Screw being a girl
2) Screw being off of anti-depressants that kept my tears at bay all these years and
3) SCREW CRYING, DAMMIT!