Thursday, June 27, 2013

Community College BFFs

A happy day and a sad day all rolled into one.

As one door closes, so many open up.  It was the last day of my Intro to Speech class and I just left the bar where myself and 13 of my classmates went to say our final goodbyes.  Boy was it bittersweet.

On the first day of class, Professor Robinson said "By the end of the semester you guys will be so close you wont believe it." And I didn't believe it.  I don't have trouble making friends so I figured this class would be like any other; I would come to class and leave each day without thinking twice about it. 

On the second day of class she had us all push our desks into a cluster in the center of the room. We were all touching elbows and our personal bubble alarms were shrieking inside our bodies. Uncomfortably close doesn't even explain it.  I honestly think that is where the ice began to melt.  From that point forward we would all hang out before class even started as if we were friends that knew each other for a hundred years.

Sometimes when I would show up even 5 minutes late I would get a text asking where I was.  Every day with this group of people was like going to a party where I knew I would get to see all my friends.  And every speech that was given was like opening a door into their personal lives, their hearts, and maybe even their souls.  I feel like my last minute decision to take this class was complete fate. I originally was taking an Intro to Film course - I had bought the book and everything.  The day before the class had started I dropped Film and took up speech instead. BEST. DECISION. EVER!

Going to the bar with these people was like amazing.  Hanging out in an uncensored environment where we could be ourselves and just have a lot of fun was unforgettable.

So to Cecelia, Mallory, Josh, Billy, Beth, Tyler, Patrick, Emily, Amber, Nick, Aleksey, Joe, Sarah, Evan, Cory... thank you.  For being you above all. I see things differently than I did 8 weeks ago and I could never have done it without all of you. I am here for you if you ever need anything and I love each of you. 

Monday, June 24, 2013

"All Democrats think blank"

"All Democrats think they deserve something while Republicans work their asses off for what they have."

This statement is bold and a little slanted right?  Sounds like something perhaps Bill O'Reilly would say?  This statement given today by none other than my Political Science professor in my American Government class.  I get it. Truly. A lot of people in this society expect something for nothing.  A lot of people don't have a high sense of value or work ethic like in years passed, however, to make a generalized comment like the aforementioned quote you better be able to listen to the other side.  

I am not a Republican.
I am not a Democrat.
I am, however, on Unemployment.
I am a single mother.  I could easily get child support, welfare, food stamps, medicaid, and other types of government aid just because I am a single mother.  I do not get any of these.  Nor do I believe that because I am a single mother or unemployed that I am "entitled" to anything.  

So I fought my teacher on it this time. I couldn't hold my tongue for the entire semester.
I started coolly with "Can you really generalize that?"
Then it went back and forth like so:
"Yup" he said.
"I know 6 Conservative Republicans on welfare.  So how does that work?" I asked.
"No you don't."
"I do, actually."
"You just think you do. They aren't real Republicans."
"Ohhhh so now you think that people are imaginary just because they may differ from you."
"You do not know anyone like that. And its just like a Democrat to blame Republicans."
"I didn't blame anyone. I am not a Democrat, but I can see you don't know how to have an intelligent debate."

Needless to say the rest of the lecture was lost because now my adrenaline was through the damn roof, I was seeing red, all I could hear was blood pounding in my ears, and I wanted to punch him in the throat. You have got to be kidding me?  No one has argued with him all semester. Not once.  He has slammed Democrats for eight weeks, not to mention talked about every minority under the sun and even used slang that you just don't use. I tried so hard to button my lips and chalk it up to ignorance or close-mindedness.  Not today...
I am not unintelligent. I am not a moron. I also do not know everything but I am willing to listen and perhaps even learn, but I do not take kindly to slander and bigotry.  Actually if you want to see me get angry - bigotry is great ammunition.

Several minutes later he was speaking about war and "what would happen if..."  I was still chewing on my lip and my face was still flushed.
"What if a missile was launched in the East and it blew up Alaska..." he began to say.
"Sarah Palin would die." I responded.
"Jesus Christ.  Another Democrat that wants to see a hardworking mother die. Is she really so evil to you? Let me guess, her daughter is a whore too, right?"
"Wow. All I said was that if Alaska blew up, she would be dead. Calm down."
"Typical Democrat."

That term began rubbing me wrong.  Like when you go to Cedar Point on a water ride in your jeans.  By the end of the day you can't walk because the fabric of your pants has chaffed you so bad. What a douche.  I am not a Democrat, but because I don't think like him I am the anti-Christ.
Yet we still wonder what is wrong with America and her politics.  I'll give you one clue. 

Friday, June 21, 2013


Only 12 hours after the incident. Blah.  
I haven't been injured yet this year. Not even a ripping open of the knee during a super-awesome slide into second base. I didn't even roll my ankle at volleyball all winter.  I 'was' on a seemingly injure-free path.


24 hrs later
I took a ball of the wrist last night at ball.  Of course, it had to be the night before I leave for a softball tournament.  It was numb instantly and pissed off at me. Until 5 minutes later when I took a line drive off of it again.   Needless to say I needed a minute to regain my composure - as the ball not only hit me in the hand but in the face as well.   My face is fine, my wrist is not. Not. Not. Not.

I would like to think that my wrist trouble is the least of my worries when I have a tournament to play in all weekend, but I am scared to think what this weekend will bring with me pitching.  I am kinda nervous to say the least.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Dragonglass Hearts

I had to say a lot yesterday.  For those who know me you may think "Surprise, surprise. You always say a lot." But when "I had to say" a lot is in reference to my character.

Most people aren't as completely sure of their 'self' as I am.  And while I do not understand it sometimes, it doesn't mean that I am unaware, because I am.  Frighteningly so.

Yesterday was a day of explaining my inability to care.  I can love you, I can do nice things for you, but at the end of the day, my care-o-meter doesn't move from zero.  I don't lose sleep over you, I don't cry myself to sleep if you insult me, I don't journal about your idiocies; My heart strongly resembles that 400 foot wall of ice everyone keeps chattering on about in Game of Thrones. Or maybe I am a White Walker and you can only kill me with dragonglass. Something to consider...  Either way, caring is not in my repertoire.

I find that when I explain it to people it makes me super anxious.  I start pacing and using a plethora of hand gestures that I don't usually bring out in casual convos.  It almost like I get angry that  have to explain myself in the first place. Isn't "I am fucked up" sufficient enough?  Apparently not. So I constantly have to go through these motions with people and tell them why my heart is a black pit of despair, that I have no soul because I am a ginger, and that I will never care enough about you to make you stay.  I know, what a treasure!  I give the whole fairy tale.  My favorite part is no one stays when I push. No one ever stays.  No one can withstand the push. Maybe it's for the better.

My most treasured part is when I get a "One day, you will find someone who will stop you dead in your tracks and then you will sing a different tune."  Again, maybe someone should kill me with that aforementioned dragonglass. Where is Samwell Tarly when I need him?