Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Eleven Years Ago Today...

Eleven years ago today, I lay in a hospital bed dying.

Eleven years ago today, my body decided to begin the process of shutting down.  With a high fever of 104, I was delirious and on the verge of slipping into a coma with blood pressure around 140/104.  It was the longest day of my entire life.

Eleven years ago today, I was admitted into the hospital with every hope of a routine delivery of my baby. My blood pressure had been high for a month prior, but it was closely monitored. Being induced was nothing out of the ordinary and nothing every other Obstetrician hasn't done before.  It was all new to me though. 24 hours after trying my best to deliver drug-free, came the breaking of my water.  This not only distressed my unborn daughter, but sent my body into unparalleled pain.

Eleven years ago today, I got through 29 hours of labor and my body decided it was time to push.  I was not dilated. It is physically impossible to birth a baby if your cervix is not dilated, but I had absolutely no choice in the matter; When it's time to push, it's time to push. Fail. On an epic scale. No matter how hard I tried, nothing was happening. No matter what the doctors attempted, my body was resisting. My body began to fail and my baby was dying. One of the last things I heard was "We are going to lose them both!" before slipping into delirium.

Eleven years ago today, I was prepped for an emergency cesarean section. Which is actually incredibly common nowadays... even then.  C-Sections were on the incline averaging at 70% or so I heard. They strapped down my arms and legs, because, well, that's just what they do.  After attempting to numb me from the waist down, the anesthesiologist asked "Can you feel this?" "Yes" I replied.  "Hmm... you shouldn't be able to feel anything." And the surgery commenced.  From behind my little sheet, I could feel my abdomen being sliced open with a scalpel. I screamed in absolute terror and was drugged into oblivion while my mother yelled for them to give me more drugs.

Eleven years ago today, my baby was born and I didn't get to meet her.  I was in a drug-induced high and from what I can vividly remember I told my mother "I am in outer space."  Apparently I had enough drugs. I have also learned later that redheads need 1/3 more drugs than any other hair color in order for said drugs to work effectively. If only...

Eleven years ago today, my daughter was rushed to the NICU, because she could not breathe on her own. When the doctor broke my water, she drank it, causing severe distress on her lungs. My beautiful baby girl sat alone in an incubator hood for the first 24 hours of her life - without her mother.  I was a hallway away coming out of my euphoria and not even knowing I had just had a child.
Me & my bird.
Eleven years ago today, my life was changed forever.  I learned patience, and kindness, and how to love someone else in a way only a mother would understand.

Today my little baby is a beautiful, hilarious, snarky 11-year old. She is sassy in all the right places. She has a sense of humor that makes me double-over more often than not. She is like walking out of a smokey bar and gulping down heaps of fresh air. She is the rays of sunshine on an overcast day.  She is my better half and one of the sweetest souls I have ever known.  Shes awkward, and quirky, and her long legs trip her off more often than not. She is my soul mate in this life. The reason I was put here.

Happy Birthday to the best person I have ever known. I love you bird. <3

1 comment:

  1. Eleven years from now, no one will understand your reference to smoky bars. :p

    Happy birthday, bird!