Wednesday, May 28, 2014

"...Humble Pie for fifty bucks and a case of beer..."

For those that know me, saying that I am headstrong is a bit of an understatement. I am stubborn, reclusive, proud, and even too honest. 

Above all of those sweet adjectives is my lack of ability to apologize - unless I am in the wrong.  If I am in the wrong, then by all means, I am sorry; However, if I did nothing offensive, then you may not want to hold your breath and wait for an apology.

Denzel Washington once said in Remember the Titans, "I don't scratch my head unless it itches, and I don't dance unless I hear some music. I will not be intimidated. That's just the way it is." And like Coach Boone, I do not apologize unless I have done something wrong.

In the last month, I have apologized three times (ugh... THREE TIMES!) for offenses that were not a fault of my own.  I cussed, a stamped my foot, I facepalmed several times, and I even growled in anger at people assuming I should do such a thing.  Apologize for something I didn't do?  What kind of world is this?  A crazy one, let me just say.

This is not to say that when someone bumps in to me I don't say "Oh, I am sorry!" because I do.  Or when my kid is in someone's way at the grocery store and I apologize for her inability to pay attention.  And these reasons are not a fault of mine, yet I will still apologize, because I am kind and it is the right thing to do.  I am overly conscious of my surroundings.

This month's monumental apologies came more or less from me eating a piece of humble pie, and sucking up the fact that people sometimes get offended by the things I say. When I am not in the wrong, this is not okay for me.  I am blunt and a bit corrosive.  I often use sarcasm to replace my ire, and apparently people are sensitive.  
I am soooooo not sensitive.  
People's every day emotions don't make sense to me and to be honest, I don't want to understand them. I do, however, understand that just because I am not affected doesn't mean that others are not affected as well.  I get it.  Which is where the pie eating came in in the first place. 

So here's to being 31 *Raises glass* and turning over (okay... like slightly lifting) some new leaves.  And putting some of my predispositions and my pride into a lawn and leaf bag, dragging them out to the curb, and letting Waste Management take them away.

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