I am currently at a mental standstill. Like when you get on the teeter-totter and your weight is the same on both sides. Neither of you can go up or down, yet your feet have lifted off the ground. You just kind of sit there... in limbo.
I have a cartoon angel and devil sitting on each of my shoulders coaxing me into and out of a not-so-fun dilemma. I can only consider myself completely human when I listen more intently to the devil. He just has way better tips for being a bitch. The angel is way too nice and wont do me any favors at the end of the day.
While I would love to indulge those of you who actually read this babble with the details of the said "dilemma," I cannot. It wouldn't be appropriate to reveal intimate secrets on the internet. I am a way classier girl than that. At least I try to be.
What I can say is that I have made so many choices for my daughter that have only partially benefitted me, but were always with her best interests at heart. I didn't neglect her certain things in this life to make her suffer or to rub it in other people's faces. I did what I did, because it is what is best for her and I.
I get to say "her and I" because this is a team effort. This life consists solely of her and I. We have been doing it alone -together- for over 2/3 of her life. I am sorry if I think about her and not you.
People always think they know better than me what is best for the life I have created. Most people lead incredibly selfish lives and don't stop to think that different people are in different situations. Or that while they might struggle, someone else's struggle is completely different - eventho they could be like a distant cousin.
I guess that what I mean most of all is that, while I listen to this battle of epic proportions going on atop my shoulders day in and day out, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much for people to take a step back, close their mouths, and stop judging me and my choices.
I try my very best not to judge your decisions and your misgivings - knowing all good and well that you, too, have your fair share of cartoonistic spirits goading you into troublesome dealings. Lord knows, it is quite a feat.